In bed, crying. Because life really sucks sometimes. Kris deserved better. From life, and from everyone in it. He deserved to know how much he was cared about and how much he was loved. He deserved to know that he could be forgiven. My heart hurts.
Had one of the toughest heart to hearts I’ve ever had today. Eugene came over today because he needed someone to talk to. He was just bawling, says he hasn’t slept or eaten in three days. He was just reminiscing about old stories and even slipping out a few laughs then he’d just start bawling. Kris was his cousin but at the same time his big brother you know. Those two did everything together, they were so close. I hurt knowing Kris isn’t with us anymore because he really wasn’t a bad guy, no matter how he was made out to look. He was fun and outgoing and happy. All he needed was a little help when he asked for it and none of this would have happened. My heart hurts so badly for my lil brother. The things he was saying today were just killing me. I wish this didn’t happen. I wish he never joined the marines. I wish he stayed at home with everyone and just got a normal job. I wish he didn’t do this. He could’ve came back from this. He could’ve been forgiven. He could’ve gotten through this and then made a life for himself back home. Everyone still loved him. Every time I’m enjoying something or laughing or anything, boom it hits me again like getting punched in the stomache. And he was nothing more than a childhood friend so I can’t imagine how it hurts Eugene. They made Kris out to be a monster but if everyone knew the truth or him they’d know he wasn’t. He was a normal ass fucking kid like me but with a little more anger, and that anger got him in trouble and everything went downhill from there in the military. It’s not fair for him to have had to go through that, and then for people to talk about him in the way that they did. Idk it all just hurts my heart and makes me hurt for my little brother. This is going to be a funeral I could go my whole life without wanting to attend. It really makes me sick.